Trust the Process
We live in such a fast paced - Go, Go, Go society. It often tricks us into thinking that everything actually moves that fast, that we should move that fast, that healing should happen that quickly, that change should be instant.
And then we end up "shoulding" all over ourselves and get upset when it doesn't happen 'fast'. If you know anything about unweaving and reprogramming constructs and conditioning that has been there since you were child, it might help to trust the process a bit more.
Here is the process:
Awareness - This is the first stage where you become aware of a pattern, a conditioning, that is negatively affecting your life. These patterns and conditioned programming can repeat multiple times before you recognize them for what they are. It usually only happens when a pain point in your life has gone beyond the where, “I’m fine” is believed by anyone including yourself, and where your coping mechanisms no longer get the job done. In other words, it’s just too much and even though you might not be ready for a change in reality, the desire for a change is born. If you are here, bring in some gratitude for connecting with your soul, because this is what you have done!
Owning it - this phase can also go on for a while and can be filled with a lot shame, guilt, and possibly resistance and avoidance. “Why did I let it go on for so long?” “Oh my God, I’m the common denominator in all these failed relationships. It’s me.” This spot can be really uncomfortable and have many running back to old patterns that you now know aren’t great, but will rationalize that away because it feels “normal” and “safe”. They are neither of those things but the ego is a powerful aspect of yourself, hence the guilt and shame. None of this is true so if you are here, please bring in some love with the gratitude because recognizing your coping mechanisms are no longer working and you desire better for yourself even if you are afraid to take it - is already a huge accomplishment!
Change - If you thought awareness and owning it were challenging, they pale in comparison to doing the actual work of changing. I said what I said. There is no point in sugarcoating it - the first time you try to make a major change to childhood, deeply rooted patterns and conditions, it’s hard - like your ego will start having you believe you might actually die if you change! dramatic and hard. It does get much easier, but the first time is a challenge and it can take a while to work up the strength and courage needed. Why? Because this level of healing is not like popping a Tylenol because you have a headache.
You are changing your identity, redefining safety, and boundaries, worth, value - all amazing things, but also more than likely aspects of yourself you’ve spent a majority of your life hiding from, ignoring, rejecting, and/or completely unaware of. It can take a hot minute to get on the other side of that. Plus, change happens in spirals which can feel like “you’re running over same old ground” and it will have you longing for the numbness of the familiar, because for a while you’ll be asked to muster more consciousness, focus and attention on the dark places than you’ve ever been asked before. And that’s intimidating. If you find yourself on the spiral of healing and doing the work, please bring gratitude, love and fun along for the ride. And if there is room, let Wonder join, as well. You are doing amazing work and, I promise, it is all worth it.
Acceptance - When you’ve made it out the other side of the healing work, you will feel like a whole new YOU, and you that is more authentically YOU. All the work will be rewarded and even though there might be some grieving for the past you, the past life with the people who did not move forward with you, you are know it is for the nest. Still, take the time to honor that and grieve if necessary. Also, realize that you might float back here and there, urges for the old things and old ways might surface, but chances are, you will not be willing to go back. You will love the new YOU so much that you would not trade it for anything. If you find yourself in this space, then take your gratitude, love, fun and wonder with you and share it with loved ones. You don’t need to get preachy or put it in people’s faces (rookie mistake, we’ve all been there) because you’re so excited with how you feel you want everyone to feel as good as you do - but take those tools and use them to hold space for others who might not be in engaging the process at all, or are stuck at a certain spot, and remember - everyone’s journey is there own, and the timing of healing does not, I repeat, does not align with the go.go.go timing of society. Space is a gift. Also, because you feel so amazing, you are probably ready to go again, and because you know the process, you will trust it. With less resistance, you will move through it with more flow and grace!
Why is healing so slow?
All of creation really begins on the spiritual level. It is an essence, a frequency. Then it comes down to the level of mental/emotional where we become aware of it, and have stories, thoughts, opinions about it. Whatever “it” is. Finally, if ever, it reaches the physical plane where we DO something with it. This is where our habits, actions, manifestations, etc come into play.
We also have out souls, our ego, our wounds, our patterns and our conditionings processing all these frequencies, with all the stories, thoughts, and opinions that align with each - AND to make it more confusing, because we are so physically focused, we mostly align with ego. This means we believe we ARE those programs, conditions, etc. It’s not until we begin to awaken to the soul, to energy that we can separate Truth from conditioning.
I know it can sound like a lot, but think of it like this -
Healing is about retracting your alignment with ego and aligning with soul.
This can take a bit of time. To give you an idea, here are some timetables of my own healing:
It took me 11 yrs to get back my body after having my first kid.
It took me 7 years to actually quick smoking cigarettes after deciding quit.
It took me 4 years to actually quit drinking after deciding to quit drinking.
It took me 15 years to work through some unhealthy conditioning that was negatively affecting my relationship.
I'm still working on having a healthy relationship with food and that seems to be a whole life thing, lol
Healing is a dance, not a race. Healing is a spiral not linear. Although you often feel like you've landed back in the same space, when you look a bit deeper you realize how different you actually are.
Trust the process and bring in gratitude, love, and fun as supports. You are getting there. You will get there.
And if you’d like support, I offer many options, which you can check out HERE.
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