I missed an entry last week for the New Moon. I performed a ritual with my hubby to manifest clear communication in our relationship and our life and then, funny enough, I did not communicate the ritual or share anything about the energy. I broke my streak of posting every week.
At first, I thought about making myself feel bad for not showing up, but then I laughed and reminded myself that there are much bigger things going on the world and part of learning about communication is keeping a balanced perspective. This entry is one of reflection on Fire and change.
During this time, I am really diving into the esoteric knowledge I love so much, namely alchemy. Lately, finally, I am coming to embrace identifying myself as an alchemist. For me, alchemy is a constant process of transmuting fear into love.
Alchemy is about shifting energy, in the physical realms with actions, mental realms with altering perspective and beliefs, emotion realms with releasing old, stuck feelings and memories, and in the spiritual realms by visualizing all of these shifts and releases, and using my attention and intuition to consciously move through the barrier of fear to arrive at love. This might look like cleaning the house, having a cup of tea, breathwork, ritual, taking a bath, dancing, exercising, gardening, energy work – all sorts of everyday activities and some “magical” activities as well, because they are fun. It’s about balancing the elements and knowing myself better so I can recognize when I’m leaning toward fear and redirect myself toward love.
I also love Tarot, which is strongly aligned with using symbols and images to commune with the subconscious and expose the fears and stuckness of old patterns, emotions and beliefs which secretly, in the sense that I am not always consciously aware of it, run my life and cause me to have reactions and triggers which blow balance out of the water and send me careening into defensiveness and fear-based frequencies.
During my explorations, I discovered that certain practitioners of Tarot say there is something called a Destiny Card. You find it through your birth chart and other things which I won’t go into at the moment, but you can explore yourself. Mine is the 5 of Wands. When I first looked at this, I was perplexed. There is a lot of chaotic energy in this card at first glance, and I thought, oh man – more chaos? The very thought of it made me tired. I mean, isn’t there enough chaos going on at the moment?
When you work with the universe you learn very quickly that the universe is, in fact, always attempting to communicate with you, the trick is to learn how to listen and translate. And realize that sometimes our sense of “time” is not the same as the universe’s sense of “time”, so sometimes clues might actually be months apart from each other involving the same message thread, like puzzle pieces left along a trail and then something happens and you smack your head and say, “oh! That’s how all the pieces fit together!”
So now this card. 5s are about change, major life transitions, taking risks - that sort of thing. Wands are fire, volatile, courage and strength, but also about intuition and creation. The ruling planet for my birth Decan is Saturn, which is about boundaries, karma, healing ancestral patterns, desire to integrate and is a very intense energy.
What I liked about learning this is that it came with an exercise, an experiment – for thirty days, set your destiny card before you and meditate on it in the morning. Then, in the evening, draw two cards representing events in the day, one representing a way you were stuck in your path and the other in a way that you were consciously working toward your path for that day. These cards would be a reflection on how to orient your focus and efforts for the next day. You would then also rotate the cards away from the center to show the degree to which these two events of the day were off the mark of being on the direct path to your destiny card. After a month of doing this, you will expose a path that reveals how aligned or misaligned you are with your destiny path. Of course, the goal is to have the cards straight up, leading in a straight line toward your goal. I haven’t started yet, but my prediction is that the path begins chaotically and eventually rights itself, as the mind comes into focus and the energies align toward achieving the focus of the destiny card, and all cells are entrained toward achieving the one thing.
The beautiful thing about alchemy is that doing the inner work has results in the outer world and we look at the outer world to understand better the inner world. The two are connected. We might be individuals, but we are also members of society, connected as one.
So here’s me trying to figure out this card of destiny involving words like change, courage and strength, creation, healing karma and ancestral patterns, and boundaries, and the world around me is blowing up – first parts of the world were literally on fire, then a virus closed it all down, and now trauma, pain and hurt, abuse of boundaries from centuries’ old patterns are bubbling up and it’s a volatile expression of anger, rage, courage and strength. Not to mention, the current leader is fueling the flames of deeply rooted injustice, imbalance, hate, oppression, and all the other lowest vibrations of fear. Emotions are inflamed and there is metaphoric and literal burning to the ground the foundations and structures of how things have been.
It looks bad. But Maia Toll, in a timely email I received this morning, put it into context for me when she said, “But there is a secret that healers know: as infections become less diffuse and rise to the surface, they often look worse. Much worse. And, yet, we know this is the path to healing.”
Alchemists and healers of all sorts, even those who simply call themselves “regular people”, know or can understand that there is a hidden wall between where you are at and where you want to be, and this wall has a name – Fear. Where, I think, we all desire to be is in Love, the unconditional, universal kind.
The timing of this card and these life events lead me to the conclusion that it is time to heal some deeply set in ancestral patterns of Fear. It might be messy, and scary and feel uncomfortable, but we are all going in the same direction – we all want to be free, to feel light in our spirits, to bask in our birthright of feeling, whole, wanted, protected, Loved. Not some of us, ALL of us. The Earth and the Universe need us to get there so that together we can move on to the next phase of our evolution whatever that might be. But, it can only arrive when we are ALL ready to go as one. There is no color, shade, flavor, tone, tenor, shape or size of a soul that matters in the land of Universal Love because it simply is Love, a unique, individual expression brought to the physical realm for the purpose and sheer joy of being able to express its nature and add its energetic signature to the experience.
The story our ancestors – and I’m talking all the way back to “cavepeople” days before recorded history even existed - this story passed down to us is rooted in Fear – generation and generation of decisions, actions, traditions, boundaries and formulations of existence developed from the root seed of Fear and a misunderstanding of the concept of power. Maybe it was the fear of trying to survive - who knows and, honestly, – who cares why or how at this point, that information is lost to us and in the past. We are here now and the real question is – what is the benefit of holding on to this story? Tradition? Loyalty? Fear? Pride? Not knowing any other way to be?
Is it working? Holding on to all this history? All these traditions of separation and competition and superiority?
What is the goal? The end game or legacy we are working towards passing on? What is the purpose of what WE as members of the human race are trying to do? Are we really here just to earn money, pay bills, and treat other like crap? What is the ultimate “destiny” of this path? Is it leading to a place we actually want to go? Or are we continuing along it because we were born on this path, and it’s the same path our ancestors laid for us, so we “have to” stick to it?
This path just brought us to a place where, at least for me, I am feeling like – I’m good. I desire to be done here and with all of this. This path clearly does not lead to love, to cooperation, to wholeness, and it is not a path I desire to teach my children to follow. There’s a lesser cut path that still has some challenges and obstacles, it’s largely unknown and, therefore, perhaps a bit scary, but I have faith in myself, my gut feelings, and the universe that there is nothing more beneficial for me to learn on this current path.
It may never have been done before in the history of humanity, but I advocate that it’s time to take control of the reins and steer the vessel of “society” into a new direction, one whose course it set definitively on love. And what better time than now? The potential for healing is bursting forth like fireworks – for every ignorant, hateful comment and action, there are more stepping forward and standing up, acknowledging that this is not right. Every living thing from humans to the plants and animals are expression of Divine Love. If now isn’t the time to recognize this and consciously choose to devote ourselves to respect it, love it and protect it, then when is?
Is it gonna be easy? Not at first, of course not. Hard work? Yup. Focus? Possibly changing some of the ways we think, act, behave? Yes. Perfect? Forget it. A mess, definitely. Uncomfortable? Yup. Weird, no more and no less than some of the shit that has gone down recently. Worth it? Hmmm – love v fear, is it worth it? I know some people in “power” would say no – because this situation benefits them… but what is more important to instill in our children and infuse into the future – the energy of contraction or that of expansion?