If you have been following these posts, then you know I am exploring following the moon. This also includes following the zodiac across the sky and seasons, and learning more about planetary influences and how they play out. So far, it has been a fascinating journey.
In the beginning of the year, I pulled cards for each month. At the time, I did it to create content ideas, but as we move now into the fifth month of the year, I can see how predictive they actually were. The cards I pulled for the month of May gave the message of endings, completions and walking away because there was nothing more to learn. They spoke of reflecting and letting go in order to make room for new experiences, and to be conscious of choices being made. Their protection warnings included not making yourself small for the sake of others, and to make choices from an elevated perspective (a.k.a. not fear), to have an open heart, and find a deeper place of love and trust.
To be honest, sometimes I forget to read these until after the month has begun, and I am looking for a topic. This was the case today which made me laugh. We are in the waning moon phase, the time after the peak expression of the full moon. The waning moon marks a time to let go, decrease, removing negative vibrations, and beginning to regroup in preparation for the return of the next New Moon, a time of new intentions and new beginnings.
And after five months, I am really deepening my understanding of this lesson, how cyclical it all is – one season into another, one moon phase into another, one breath into another. There is a beginning, a build up, a release, a pause and then it all starts again. And the Zodiac signs add a little flavor to keep it feeling mundane. For example, this waning moon is in Aquarius today – an airy, friendly sign which brings a unique, experimental, and inventive energy to the mix. Yet, the month of May is ruled by Taurus, when we get into the full swing of Spring, and Taurus, being an earth sign is grounded, sensual and concerned about money and wanting to feel comfortable. Something I think we all are feeling in these strange times. Yet, the month of May is ruled by Taurus, when we get into the full swing of Spring, and Taurus, being an earth sign is grounded, sensual and concerned about money and wanting to feel comfortable. Something I think we all are feeling in these strange times. Plus Taurus is ruled by Venus which radiates a loving, gentle and caring energy when in its positive form, reminding us to think about how we flirt, create abundance, and harmony in our realms.
For me, these energies translated into the material world in the form of finally finishing the payments on my school loans. It has taken me twenty years to fulfill my financial obligations of earning a bachelor’s and a master’s degree. Twenty years of carrying the energy of indebted student, carrying the weight of the loan. Of course, it is what I consider “good” debt, because it improved my circumstances in life. However, I am transitioning in a major way in my life at the moment, from elementary teacher to Spiritual Guide and Healer and the energy of that debt was keeping me tied to my old identity. Anyone who has every tried to transform their identity knows how important it is to give yourself the best chance for success by cutting as many ties as possible with the old in order to make room for the new. A new mother can’t really stay the "party girl" if she wants to be the best "mom" she can be (I know from learning the hard way).
So, it felt great to release the school debt energy and all that came with it – needing to always learn more, never feeling like I’ve arrived, feeling indebted on some level that never quite reached my conscious mind. And the funny thing is, I didn’t see all that until the debt was released! Only then did it become clear to me just exactly how it was affecting me. It was a great relief, which was immediately followed by a freak out – from noticing the void that was created. The new, empty space, that was no longer taken up with the “Chris as teacher identity”.
My breaths came short and rapid as did my fears – what if I can’t make it in this new identity, what if we go broke, what if no one hires me to help them, etc…all the fears came crashing in. As they do, because nature doesn’t like a void – this newly freed space needed to be filled with something, but I was not about to have it filled with fear.
Then, I took some deep breaths, and got my cells under control. I went into my heart space and filled it with love. This was no fly-by night decision. I have been thinking about this for a long time, making small and big moves toward it for years. I have been learning new skills and habits, I have developed a practise, I know what I am doing and I know what I have to offer, and if I don’t know yet, I have complete confidence in my ability to figure it out, because I have accomplished pretty much everything I have set my mind to do and survived everything life has thrown at me.
As I poured each of those words of love and support into that new space, my nervous system calmed down and I remembered – I am stepping more fully into who I am, and this is good. And while it make take some time, I will be better than before, and life will be better than before. I expect amazing things to happen!
So, little, scared ego, inner child of my life, sit down, calm down and let ME do my thing. It’s all good. I got this. And if I fail at something, that’s great too. I’ll take the lesson offered, knowing full well in the power of cycles – there will be another chance to try again, and I will be better prepared for it when it comes.
Be easy. Be conscious. Breathe. Be the bigger, higher self YOU, and love the inner child ego you.
And if you need some help figuring it out, I’m here for you.