Core Wound tips for beginners: Everything I wish I knew when I started

By the time I was ten years old, my mom, who has MS, was in a wheelchair. My childhood changed from freedom and getting in trouble for my long hair having too much dirt and knots in it from playing, to learning how to scrub floors on my hands and knees, and how not to get burned by spitting oil as I turned the fried chicken.

Maybe I would have learned those skills regardless of my mom’s condition. I’ll never know. All I knew then was that I had brothers and a sister who needed caring for, and I basically became the arms and legs of my mom. And from then I on, I was told many times how strong, how capable, and what a great help I am.

Fast forward a few decades and this programming is still running the show only now, I’m getting sick often and weird things keep happening to my body, like frozen shoulders or thrown out backs that “shouldn’t” happen at my age because, well, I’m strong and healthy.

Only, I wasn’t. I was falling apart. Because deep down, I didn’t feel safe being “strong and healthy.”

To be strong and healthy meant that other people would saddle you with more physical, emotional, and mental responsibility than you are ready or willing to take on. Because you are strong and healthy, no one will ask if you are alright – just assuming that you are, and that you enjoy being so “helpful and capable”. Because you are strong and healthy, it would be selfish to say no to others who needed help when clearly you are so capable. To be strong and healthy meant you needed to show up all the time, even when you were tired or just wanted to have fun. And being strong and healthy meant the only way to get out of all of the extra responsibility is to manifest illnesses and injuries that would give you the permission to say, “no”, at least for a while, to lifting things and people that were too heavy for you, for doing all the housework, and taking on all the chores because other people confuse you with, apparently, Superwoman.

So, for a long time, to be strong and healthy was not a safe thing to be, and my body reacted. I became unhealthy in my mind, my emotions, and my body. I suffered from stress, overwhelm and sometimes an uncontrollable anger which plagued me day and night.

Luckily, I know longer feel this way. Learning about subconscious programming and healing with energy medicine brought me, not only awareness, but a way forward, into a healthier state.

Every morning these days I start my day with a meditation – to connect to my universal nature, the part of me that is also the part of the divine. Some call it the higher self or soul. I use this opportunity to ask my higher self if I have messages, any news from the angelic realms or the multiverse, or maybe there is a feeling that would benefit me greatly to tap into now.

Recently, I was pleasantly surprised to hear, “It is safe to be strong and healthy.”

I turned this phrase over in my mind many times, wondering why this statement and why now. Then is dawned on me. All the work I had bee putting into dealing with my shadow side, my fears around being safe, were finally paying dividends.

Subconscious Programming

I love learning about subconscious programming. In fact, it’s kind of my jam now and I help all sorts of women come to terms with theirs, and help input better programming.

Why? Because suffering sucks and feeling great is awesome. Plus, I love to know how we work as humans, and a big part of how we operate comes down to what we believe in.

These core wounds are part of our collective story as humans. Generations and generations of fears that all humans face at one time or another on their journey of existence.

My belief about not being safe to feel strong and healthy caused all sorts of choices to be made on my behalf, some conscious and some not. I used to wonder if it was only me, or do all humans have these same fears? I say fears, because when you don’t feel safe, you are afraid.

Turns out, yes. We humans have some basic fears in common no matter what religion, race, sex, or music genre you subscribe to. These are called core wounds. Some say there are seven, others five, but I say there is really only the one.

These core wounds are part of our collective story as humans. Generations and generations of fears that all humans face at one time or another on their journey of existence.

The Universal Fears or Core Wounds:

- Fear of Separation. This fear has other little fears with it, but they are more or less the same. These are – fear of being abandoned and fear of being alone. The idea is that you feel alone, physically, emotionally, and existentially – like you are unsupported in this wide universe we call home.

- Fear of Trust. This also has little fears with it such as the fear of letting go and the fear of surrender. It’s hard to trust in love, and you generally have doubt and suspicion of the motives of others.

- Fear of Rejection. This is one you can see play out a million times a day in most everyone’s life because it’s tied into the fear of being unworthy, unwanted, and comes with all sorts of guilt around these feelings of being undeserving of whatever it is you want to be deserving of.

These three universal core wounds or fears get triggered often in our relationships with ourselves, others, our environments, and our belief in God (or lack thereof). When we fist meet someone new, we might have a fear of trust. After the relationship develops the fear of separation or rejection might get triggered.

It’s important to say right off that, a healthy dose of being on your guard and protective is always a good idea, but these core wounds do more than that – they take it too far and prevent you from getting curious, going out of your comfort zone, and living your best life, because they have you on lock down. And in the 2021 world we live in, we all know how crappy being in lockdown can be. The degree of influence of these fears or wounds has reached a debilitating level and are now actively limiting your experiences of life. They trap you with the lower vibration of fear, judgment, guilt, shame, and doubt.

The Purpose of Core wounds:

The deal with core wounds is that they cause you to find fault in yourself and others as opposed to taking responsibility, processing them and then moving on. Being triggered by fears is a normal part of being human. Fears and wounds get triggered all the time - for the sole purpose of alerting you to the fact that something is ready to be healed. That’s their real purpose.

Only more often than not, when they are triggered, they cause an initial contraction – we shrink away from the situation or the person, the conversation, or the moment – and we don’t get beyond this knee-jerk response. It might also look like lashing out at the person, the situation or the universe, and throwing blame around everywhere to avoid dealing with the wound that has been triggered. So, like a kid – you either run and hide in a closet somewhere, or stand your ground and throw and epic, massive tantrum about how unfair life is. If you’re a touch vindictive, you might stew quietly with your evil eyes glaring as you plot a way to take your revenge against those who’ve wronged you – either way, you’re not dealing with the trigger itself.

However you choose to distract yourself from the trigger, all these wounds, in my opinion, still come down to one thing – you don’t feel safe.

Our fears, whatever they are, cause us to feel unsafe. Our memories can cause us to feel unsafe. Past relationships, beliefs, thoughts, interactions, pressures and obligations – all of it. Even something you watched on TV when you were younger that scared the heck out of you at the time, can still be causing you to feel unsafe in present time. That’s how the subconscious works – it has no concept of time; everything is now.

And in every moment of every day, with every breath, your body, mind and soul are drumming out the same question in tune with your heartbeat and the firing of your mental synapses – am I safe? Am I safe with this person, with this memory, with this emotion, with this habit, this food, this idea, this decision…etc.

So, maybe you are asking yourself, how can this be? Where does this come from and why am I doing this?

Great question and for that, you need to know a bit about your brains. Yes, I said brains.

Your Brains:

The “am I safe?” question comes from the deep recesses of our mammalian brain. This is deep, ancient programming that all mammal life has pulsing within. It’s the part that kept you alive when you needed to flee from every predator that wanted to eat you. But, and this is a big BUT, it’s also from an era of time, that at least for humans, doesn’t really apply anymore. We are not still running from wild animals and hunting to eat. No, waiting in line at Starbucks does not count as “hunting”, even if you sometimes want to kill anyone separating you from your latte.

Over the course of millennia, humans have developed other brains. The neo-cortexes for example, which have two halves and allow us to speak languages, use logic, and take things from our imagination and make them real in the physical world. Those are great brains, and we love using them, especially the left-neocortex (logic and math), but our minds did not stop there. Nope.

In fact, what separates us from our neanderthal cousins is the pre-frontal cortex we have. This is why our foreheads protrude outward instead of sink in a bit like Neanderthals. Anyway, this part of the brain allows us to experience higher consciousness. This is where we can obtain observer mode, slip into meditation, and connect with the universal divine energy matrix that is the fabric of our existence, and make conscious decisions as opposed to instinctual reactions.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, for one, my nerdy self finds this fascinating, but for you - to demonstrate the reality that the part of you where the fears originate from is not the part of you that can overcome these same fears.

The part of your mammalian brain where these fears come from is the same part that thinks about the three Fs, well really four – feed, fornicate and fight (or flee). The fear comes from the place that takes over when you are drunk and causes you to think that wanting to make out with this hottest guy in the bar (or maybe do more), before stuffing your face with garbage plate (it’s a burger plate – upstate New York thing) before passing out are all great decisions!

The pre-frontal cortex brain where you are able to overcome this fear and choose a better path, is also the part of you that wakes in the morning and begins to process why you have a monster headache, some of clothes are missing, is that hot sauce on your face, and who the hell’s room am I in?

Being human means we all have this one pulsing fear beating within us, but it does not mean we need to be own by it. You do not have to be a subject to these impulses.

Your cortexes can analyze and create solutions on how to feel safer for sure. This part of yourself can categorize and organize the fears, it can create habits and boundaries, ways of hiding, dealing, avoiding – anything you want really. But because of their nature, and ties with the concept of story, these solutions, boundaries, and habits will also most likely come with a butt load of guilt, shame, pride, and other low vibrational emotions and thoughts that want you to know what a favour it is doing to help your sorry ass out of yet another poor decision. Basically, the inner critic and all of it’s a-hole friends hang out in the cortexes attempting to “put you in your place” for all the fears and consequences (decisions) that came from the inferior mammalian brain that you just can’t seem to stop yourself from following. (those are the snarky tones of your cortexes)

So, what is a girl to do? If the mammalian brain pulsates this fear that has the ability to take over and cause you do and say things that go against your better judgment and influence how the neo-cortexes will organize and interpret information – often resulting in choices that may or may not be good, and may, or may not, be filled with judgment and ridicule – how is one ever supposed to feel better? Every brain in your head can be a douche.

Connection to the Divine

Not every brain. The pre-frontal cortex is the money spot. It’s the place where everyone desires to be. Why? Because this is the doorway, the connection, the rainbow bridge that links you up to your divine self – the part of you that knows without a shadow of a doubt that yes, of course you are safe, and yes, you are amazing!

  • You are not separate, ever, from the divine because you are also divine.

  • You are never alone or abandoned, even if it sometimes feels this way. The only reason it feels like this is because you fooled yourself into thinking that with all the walls, boundaries and barriers you erected as a reaction to how scared you felt. But the divine never left. That’s not even possible, because you are also divine.

  • You also might have tricked yourself into being afraid of letting go. The physical world is very convincing – dangers lurk everywhere. But again, you are divine, the universe is not only there for you, it’s within you and partly is you. This feeling of not being able to surrender might be causing you all sorts of suffering including holding on too tightly and attempting to control too much that really isn’t your responsibility.

  • You cannot be rejected, not really. This is a choice. And again, the outer world can be quite convincing and cruel, but inside, where the divine lives, there is always acceptance and love- all of which you deserve, because you are also love. This is what it means to be divine.

  • And it doesn’t matter what you did, said, or thought in the past – all of that is simply information about what you liked or didn’t like. You can always choose to course correct and lean into more of what you like. It is that simple, because the divine, which is also you, is all about love. And love never makes you feel bad for being you. NEVER.

Because pre-frontal cortex is the doorway, the connection, the rainbow bridge that links you up to your divine self – the part of you that knows without a shadow of a doubt that yes, of course you are safe, and yes, you are amazing!

Healing core wounds

Now you know. Core wounds get triggered because life can be a landmine of reaction if you don’t know any better. The reaction might stem from early childhood programming, or experiences you’ve had growing up, or even choices you have made that you can’t forgive yourself for. It might be one of these things or a combination of all, and then some other stuff thrown in. You are, after all, supremely complex.

But now you know a bit more, you know that instead of diving full tilt into the reaction, it might be time to take a breath and shift which brain you are in.

It might seem hard at first because you have created so many layers upon layers of reasons, justifications, “proofs”, judgments of why you are undeserving and unworthy of it, and all the other stuff your lower brains have told you over the years, which you listened to and believed in – until now. But now you know better, now you know the answer is LOVE. Always love.

Love of self, love of life, love of the universe. Love and gratitude, compassion and forgiveness. Are these not the four pillars of feeling safe?

When you feel safe you can forgive easily, your perspective widens, and kindness or compassion is let in. From there you can experience gratitude for seeing things as they truly are, through the eyes of love, and then you feel safe resting in this truth – that you are one with universe and the universe is one within you.

Am I safe? beats with every pulse of your heart. But, so does, Yes, of course you are safe.

To go back to our brains. You might start in the mammalian chamber with fears that trigger your inner child or shadow work ready to done. And you might be tempted to visit the cortexes and stay there – finding imaginative ways to solve your problems. But then you would be missing the real power, the real juice of empowerment that puts you in the seat and allows you to take real responsibility, to move away from fault, blame, shame, separation, rejection, or trust issues. And that is to plug into, your divine self, the divine itself that lives in the seat of your soul – in your heart, in your mind, in all of your cells.

Am I safe? beat