Resistance - And How It's Keeping Your Frequency LowDec 14, 2021
You really, really, really want to make that change in your life. When you think about how it’s ruining this and that and making you feel less than, you want it gone, so you can experience “better”. You’re ready, you’re motivated, you begin to dig into what it would take, and then…
Maybe in a little bit, when I have more time, more money, more patience, more…
This is Resistance. (cue foreboding, dramatic music).
The very second you decide that you will make a change, the ego, noticing an immanent threat to its way of life, marshals all of its extensive, manipulative resources and mounts an offensive. And since that offensive is in your mind, and the discomfort is on your own body – you think it’s you.
And the gap between where you are now (in the comfort zone) and where you want to be (feeling better, choosing better) seems possibly too much to cross.
Resistance is a normal response to change. It happens because when you make a change, you are literally creating new neuropathways in the brain to support that change, which means that the old neuropathways will die.
This happens because your brain does not multi-task, not really. It can only be in one state or another. It cannot support, for example, the identity of being a smoker AND the identity of not being a smoker. This creates what’s called internal dissonance, which means it feels really uncomfortable, like in your in constant conflict with yourself, and you will only feel peace when you have chosen one or the other.
All change is like this and while you are struggling you will go through bouts of repression, denial, passive-aggressive behaviour, you will attack others and feel guilty about, you might be gun-ho to be smoke free one day and three days later forget you ever felt that way and feel that smoking is the way for you.
So, what is actually happening?
An epic battle between your SOUL and your EGO is what is happening.
Your ego runs on default programming set between the ages of birth and seven. It is comprised of a faulty set of mindsets based on how you interpreted the world at the time and the choices made to keep you safe, loved, and included. And this programming runs deep – it’s all you’ve ever really known, so it can feel like you.
Your Soul on the other hand has always been there, but is not as loud and forceful as the ego. It is patient, but after the body is fully formed (age 25), it creates more internal pressure by raising your awareness of itself, beyond the limitations of the ego, whispering to you that there is more, YOU are more.
Hence, the internal conflict begins. What many consider a mid-life crisis is actually misunderstood soul growth.
In this respect, resistance is not futile – it is amazingly helpful because it clues you in to the fact that parts of you are ready to grow.
The desire to grow is amazing – the tricky part is that this scares the ego immensely, as it will no longer be in the driver’s seat. It will need to be displaced by the soul and learn to trust the bigger YOU – a job it has never done before. And it’s powerful, it is the subconscious which is about 95% of your operating programming.
Here are some ways resistance presents itself:
- You don’t have the money
- You don’t have the time
- You procrastinate and put it off
- You are impatient and want it to happen much faster and easier than it actually will
- You get amnesia, foggy or just space out and can’t think clearly
- You won’t make decisions or defer them to others
- You suddenly hear a lot of negative talk about your desire to change, people question you or challenge you – and you’re not up for it
- You take a bunch of classes and programs but nothing ever really changes
- You look for excuses and reasons not to do the work, peppered with lots of “can’t”s, “should”s, and “have to”s
- You forget things especially around doing the work
- You feel paralyzed to move forward
- You feel defensive and decide there is nothing wrong with you after all the rest of the world should change
- You are disorganized and can’t seem to get it together or lose important paperwork
- There is a lot of anger that rises to the surface
- You have poor boundaries
- You worry you will put others out if you change
3 Ways to handle Resistance
- The best way to handle resistance is to honor it, then dig into it to see what is holding it in place.
Only by understanding the truth of what is holding the belief in the place can you rewire your brain to support Soul-based love centered living and move away from the fear-based center of the ego.
Digging deeper though is not always an easy task. It requires you to push passed the discomfort, the resistance and as you saw, the resistance can be very effective. For this reason, it is often necessary to have a coach or healer or some form of outside help to create a sacred, safe space in which to explore the depths of the subconscious and the faulty programming it holds.
Change and transformation are entirely possible. But learning to let go of the programming and beliefs you were raised in, to choose your own going forward can be devastatingly scary. Yet, the alternative might be even scarier as your outdated programming and limitations become more and more rigid until you more or less refuse to move forward and insist that this is who you are.
- Make room for grieving.
Grieving is a natural part of the transformation process as you are allowing one identity to die in order to make room for a new one. While grieving is something we often avoid, it is a necessary part of the human experience and bringing more awareness and mindfulness to this stage can also being a great level of efficacy.
- Set Healthy Boundaries
Unhealthy habits and programming are built around faulty beliefs that create boundaries that don’t support our best and highest good. Often they are designed to ease someone else’s pain, or make ourselves smaller in order to allow someone else to shine, or because we believe we deserve less.
Creating healthy boundaries is an excellent way to support yourself during resistance. Start with easy boundaries to gain confidence when you experience the smaller wins, then build up to the more challenging boundaries. As you get more practised and comfortable, setting healthier boundaries will get easier and feel more “normal” reducing the resistance and increasing your confidence and sense of well being.
Working with the elements is an excellent way to get to know yourself better, bring awareness to the stories you tell about who you are and what you deserve, how to set healthy boundaries and how to deal with the resistance your mind generates. Persistent, small actions will produce transformative results and before you know it, you will be designing a life you love with ease and confidence.
When you're ready to overcome your resistance, I'm here to support you.
Empower Process is an 8-week group coaching program designed to help you overcome the resistance that prevents you from designing a life you love.