6 Crystals for Supporting Healthy RelationshipsJul 15, 2022
Energy is an exchange. And since everything is energy, we are in a constant exchange with all of life. This exchange is the basis for all relationships.
As humans, we seek love and healthy connection through relationship with ourselves, others, and the world around us. Love is just another word we use to describe our energetic exchange with another, but in a way that attempts to explain the merging sensation we feel when we can see, hold, and accept another fully into our own field and feel at one with them. In this way, feeling Love allows us to resonate with the vibrational truth that ALL is ONE.
But we are a marriage of energy and matter and human relationships can be com-pli-cated. They can be hard, challenging, stressful and even toxic. We are multi-dimensional beings, after all, and so past life, inner child wounds, expectations, past experiences, fears, beliefs, and all sorts of other subconscious, multi-layered baggage gets brought along for the ride. Add to this the reality that most of the species are not taught how to process their emotions, let alone in a healthy way, or own and communicate their feelings in a constructive, loving manner - and it’s a wonder we can have healthy relationships at all! Lol
I laugh, but have you ever been part of couple trying to negotiate visiting the in-laws over Christmas break? Because I have and let me tell you, there is a ton of unspoken memories, worries, anxieties, fears, regrets, etc floating in the air – it’s almost palpable. No wonder it gets tense, and one partner ends up losing it about staying that extra night. It’s not about the extra night – it’s more about what it means to be in that energetic space one more second than necessary with all the exhausting, underlying energetics stirred up and in play. Not always easy to put clarity to this bag of emotions.
Have you ever found yourself accidentally creating or walking into an argument that you didn’t see coming? It seemed like nothing – maybe you asked your partner to put something on the counter away. You didn’t even think you gave snark in the request. Then before you knew what the BLEEP was happening, you in a verbal brawl about crap that went down years ago and how you never really cared in the first place. Meanwhile, the strawberries are going bad on the counter because they never got put away.
No fun, right?
Communication is paramount to having healthy relationships, yet it’s hard to communicate clearly, gently and well if you don’t know what’s going on with you, or don’t have the courage to really say it, or try to say it but instead end up dumping or blasting your emotions at someone else. Luckily, there is a tool that can support you in aligning with the skills needed to have more productive and healthy interactions which leads to…drum roll…healthier relationships. And who doesn’t want some more of those, I ask you? What is this magickal tool?
Crystals! The Earth’s Wisdom Guides
Aligning with the healing vibration of a crystal can open you up all to all sorts of guidance, wisdom, and transformation if you allow it. Crystals offer amazing health benefits in all four elements, as well.
Water: They can enhance self esteem, and help balance moods
Air – They increase focus and awareness, support in releasing unhealthy habits of thought and belief
Earth – Relieve stress, anxiety, joint pain and other physical ailments, and help with sleep issues
Fire – They help bring us in alignment with our higher selves, center our spirits and remind us that the world is so much bigger than our limited, often stress-induced narrow focus.
Here are 6 Crystals that can be used to create habits of emotion, mind, body and spirit designed to promote healthy relationships.
1. Rose quartz – Self-love, Inner healing, compassion, stress relief, gentle support, inner child. Master Healer
Chakra – heart (center of love and healing)
We start with the crystal of self love because if you don’t love yourself, all your other relationships don’t have a chance. Rose quartz works with embracing vulnerability, compassion, kindness, as well as any issues with the lungs as the lungs store grief. Of course, Rose Quartz is also ideal for any work with self-love, worthiness, and to support relationship clearings or heart wall removals.
Use this stone to hep with overly critical thoughts, and taking limiting beliefs and turning them into affirmations of self-love. Ex) “I’m so dumb, I always do things wrong.” (hold a rose quartz and say) “I am evolving to the best of my ability each and everyday.” Then allow yourself to feel in your cells the vibrational difference between those two statements.
Astrologically speaking – this stone is especially beneficial to those with Moon in Capricorn (the water of earth), as it helps to align with the truth that power is also about knowing when to let go (perfectionist tendencies), and that vulnerability is also powerful – and allows other to get close to you (actually talking about your needs instead of saying, “I’m fine.” All the time). This helps you feel safe enough to surrender to the present moment and not bring the past in.
What this means in a relationship:
So often the conflict and drama that occurs in relationships is due to not loving yourself enough to be okay with being a hot mess. Or accepting that someone else isn’t perfect either. Also, we tend to bring a lot of the past into the present and then use that as a weapon to tell stories of how the other person never changes. Have you ever hurled at another person something they did 6 months ago, or 6 years ago, and used it as justification for why you’re still hurt or mad now?
Rose quartz helps you let go of the need to use old stories as validations for still being stuck or hurt, and to recognize when the inner child is acting out of fear, or even grief over something you feel you didn’t get in the past. With compassion for yourself, you can align with the power needed to let it go, and be vulnerable and safe enough to let the present be something new and possibly healing and transformative.
“The biggest show of love I can give is by loving myself, first and foremost.”
“I am in tune with my heart’s true desires.”
2. Larimar – Stress relief, compassion, sensitivity, patience, inner child work
Chakras: heart, throat, third eye, solar plexus
Larimar is forged of Fire and Water. Passion is a fiery emotion – which when stunted can get expressed as anger behind masks of protection. This happens because we get caught in the yang-full force of “should” and “do” – I should be this way, I should do, I should feel like that – and we project it on to others, as well - So and so should be like this or like that; they should be doing... We recycle this passion turned sour into stories about how we have been mistreated, unseen, not supported, then we share that around with others reinforcing the story. And this story is the mask, it is the surface, it is the investment in the anger and the hurt which distracts us and keeps us from what is real.
Beneath all that still lies the passions, and with the passion – the values that might feel compromised or misaligned. In other words, often we are overwhelmed with the yang, and we forget the more gentle, yin-fullness of the Water. Deeper below the surface of the desire for protection, waiting for us to seek it is the WHY, the true understanding behind what motivates us.
This is Larimar’s special power – it helps you get beyond the unbalanced fire and return to the water, so you can return to harmony, the yin and the yang, and bring them into your interactions.
Astrologically this stone is great for Leos (fire) and Pisces (water), and those with Moon in Aquarius (the water of air). If you tend to connect with others in a more objective manner and tend to analyze feelings based on “what makes sense,” this can often validate and justify allowing your fire to lose control. It can also cause you to seem detached, aloof and cold. Larimar brings head and heart into alignment helping to communicate emotions in a calm, clear and gentle way.
What this means in your relationships:
Larimar is a spiritual stone and helps remove the self-imposed blockages that can result from getting overly focused on the story or the form, tricking yourself into victimhood and what’s on the surface, all the while forgetting to recenter on what is underneath – the essence and what is actually important. This stone helps remove the guilt and the fear that can cause you to get trapped - and then stay trapped because ego won’t let go leaving you feeling like you don’t know how to get out of it. It’s fusion of Water and Fire elements brings balance, and in that space - playfulness. This can help with facilitating difficult conversations that might cause passions to flare out of control into a protective, angry display. It helps ground you into compassion and empathy which reminds you that all is one. And the playfulness opens up space for new and creative solutions.
“I express myself without inhibitions.”
3. Emerald – The stone of successful love, compassion
Chakras: throat, heart - helps bring to the surface what is unconsciously known and supports renewal and growth
A Powerful medicine of compassion, Emerald supports staying connected to the wisdom of the heart where it is easier to connect with inspiration and patience with great integrity. This stone also fosters domestic bliss and loyalty, because it enhances unity and unconditional love, partnership and friendship.
Strength of this stone include assisting in letting go of old connections (cutting cords), letting go of judgments and expectations, forgiving yourself and others, letting go of criticism, and keeping space available for gentleness.
Emerald is connected to the eyes, helping you see truly with clear vision and seeing things form a wider perspective. It reminds you to ask: What is the essence of the situation? What am I not seeing?
Passion is a powerful force, but without self-love to anchor into it can become an obsession and cause our focus to become overly narrow and critical.
What this means in your relationships:
When you slip into tit-for-tat or see your partner more as an adversary. Emerald helps anchor you into remembering where your loyalties lie – not in the present moment annoyance, but in creating a healthy dynamic that is capable of absorbing the knocks that come with all relationships and keep the love and passion flowing easily.
“I am worthy of unconditional love from myself, my family, and my friends.”
“I am love.”
4. Citrine: Strength, will power, confidence, revitalization, embracing your personal power, creativity, self-confidence, healthy boundaries
Chakras: 3rd eye, solar plexus., crown
Citrine is a happy and generous stone. It helps you to connect with gratitude, abundance and joyful vibrations. This stone is especially great for those with Sun in Aries (fire). The sun rules self-perception, fiery will, and is action-oriented.
The special medicine of a Citrine is that it is a cleanser and a regenerator. This means it never needs cleansing. Citrine cleanses the chakras, especially the sacral, solar plexus and crown. Working with this stone help make you less sensitive to criticism and encourages acting on constructive criticism, promotes enjoyment of new experiences, helps you move with the flow, and is emotionally balancing.
What this means in your relationships:
So often we tell ourselves stories, and then we believe those stories! Citrine helps to turn your attention away from your own inner monologue and self-deprecating criticisms, and toward the wonders of life. In other words, Citrine helps you push beyond yourself and get out of your own way. Citrine and gratitude go great together. When you practise noticing what you are grateful for, gratitude multiplies. When you practise noticing your problems, your problems multiply. This is the Law of Attraction at work, and Citrine joyfully and happily steers us toward connecting to our abundance.
Citrine brings home the question: Do you seek to expand and allow in joy, or do you argue for limitations and look for lack?
“I am enough. I have enough.” I do enough.”
“I am abundant.”
“I can accomplish anything when I connect to my inner fire.
5. Lapis Lazuli – Stone of Communication. Promotes speaking your truth with grace and confidence, guidance, studying, protection, purpose, worthiness
Chakras: throat, 3rd eye
Relationships help us to know ourselves better. Through the contrast of interacting with another we are invited into a deeper understanding of discernment. Lapis Lauzuli is the stone to use when you require alignment with self-awareness, purpose, learning yourself and engaging in your path to spiritual enlightenment.
Lapis Lazuli helps authentic self expression and insight. It is great for when you feel lost and aren’t sure what your best move is to make. This stone reminds you of the value of having a clear vision for what it is you desire. Lapis helps you understand where you’ve been so you can see where you wish to go, without judgment or guilt – simply clarity.
Lapis Lazuli is a stone for sovereignty, for when you are ready to take control, straighten your spine and find your voice. There are no excuses, no apologies only standing in your power and serving your soul’s purpose.
What this means in your relationships:
Sometimes we say “yes” when we mean “no”. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t want to let anyone down, or we don’t know what we want for ourselves, so we agree with someone else’s plans only to regret it later. We struggle to speak up. Lapis helps with all of this and more. When there is conflict in a relationship often, we reach for the desire to be “right” (serving the ego) more than seeking to understand (serving the soul). Lapis reminds us it is always better to seek to understand.
Expansion, growth, discernment, healthy boundaries – these are the foundations of the soul’s purpose for coming to the physical plane and Lapis Lazuli holds this vibration steadfastly. Lapis reminds you that you are worthy simply by being here, so get clear on what you need to support yourself.
Lapis asks: How do you respond to situations in your life? Does this allow you to access the deepest truths and most authentic aspects of you? Does it allow you to consult and express your highest self?
“To speak truth, you must first know truth.”
“I will speak my truth with clarity and confidence.”
6. Sunstone - Vitality, self-esteem, work-life balance, optimism
Chakras: root chakra, sacral, solar plexus.
No matter the relationship dynamic, every soul deals with unconscious issues of worthiness. For many we engage in relationships with the outside world because that is where we feel validation lies. But, external validation does not provide lasting security and happiness. Increasing your self worth is the key (intrinsic value.)
Sunstone is great for those who value feeling admired and respected by others and need that validation and the recognition of your achievements (external validation and approval as an indicator of your self worth). Often this comes with a whole set of skills and techniques designed around negative habits and destructive tendencies. Sunstone helps you let go of this. Sunstone works with you connect with the vibrational that allows you to release self-imposed limitations, and replace fears and doubts with confidence and strength.
Joyful, light and inspiring Sunstone helps to nurture the self, allows the real self to shine through happily, and helps to remove “hooks” from other people that can drain your energy. It also helps to cut cords in a loving way.
Great for those who have difficulty saying, “no,” and continually make sacrifices for others. Use this vibrational powerhouse to decrease caretaker and co-dependency patterns and promotes self-empowerment and independence.
What this means in your relationships:
There are dynamics that promote one person taking care of another – parent/child, child/elderly parent, and able/differently-abled. There are also times when we do things for others because it feels good. Occasionally we do things for others because we feel we need to, or because we “have” to. This energy can start off feeling good or neutral but deteriorates quickly. What results is usually a crystalized pattern that has locked you into a dynamic where your energy is always going out and never comes back to you. Before you know it, you’re running around taking care of everyone else but never yourself. You either don’t remember to, or blow it off as having no time, or feeling guilty and don’t give yourself permission. All the while resentment is building, and your life force is depleting.
Sunstone reminds you, in a fun and gentle way that this is no good for anyone – take the break! Without the side of guilt.
“I choose happiness today.”
“In every step of my journey, there is joy.”
“I am the creator of my strength.”
As with all relationships there are layers of complexities from the past, present and even our hopes for the future. If you find you need additional support, sign up for a relationship clearing which will help you deeply and gently reset energy patterns that are not conducive to creating healthy relationships and designing a life you love.